Past conflict isn’t a simple thing to affect, but old, deeply rooted conflicts can really affect your body, mind, and spirit. When you allow a past conflict to stew and become a defining part of any relationship, it is often challenging to moving forward in your personal and business life. But it isn’t impossible, it’s just a matter of taking the right conflict resolution approach. Below you will find easy ways you can turn past conflict into success.
Look at the Past Conflict with an Open Heart and Mind
Many times a past conflict is often resolved by simply watching it with a fresh, calm perspective. When you find out how to handle a past conflict without raising your vital signs or losing sleep, you will be far more likely to seek out an amicable resolution.
The first thing you should do is look at the conflict objectively. You need to raise all of the issues on your mind, but you must always be respectful. Actively hear the opposite person, then ask that they are doing an equivalent for you. Remember to specialise in the matter , not the person because personal attacks haven’t solved anything! If you’re having a difficult time communicating, a third-party can help mediate the discussion so that all parties are equally heard.
Use your mutual interests and concerns as a starting point. For example, if you were fighting with a sibling over a parent’s estate, perhaps you were both trying to make sure that the estate was as fair and balanced as possible. Go forward from this point so that you start at a place where you both agree.
Accept What You Cannot Change
We all hear that we should always accept the things that we cannot change, but this is often easier said than done. When it involves past conflicts you ought to always seek to resolve them first. If you cannot, it’s time to accept the things that you cannot change.
- Give up control. When you give up trying to control what is uncontrollable suddenly the stress of dealing with the conflict dissolves. You will feel as though a mountain has been lifted off of your shoulders and you’ll find that you simply have an entirely new look on life, the conflict, and therefore the person or people involved it.
- Share what you feel. When you are feeling angry, hurt, or upset, try sharing your feelings with a trusted friend or family member. It’s easier to move past conflicts when you have sounding boards at your disposal. You don’t necessarily need to tell who was involved within the conflict, just share your feelings openly and honestly. By getting it out of your mind and off your chest, you’re able to find peace within your heart.
- Look for the positives. There are always positive things that come from every situation, even the bitterest of all conflicts. For example, you may have realized the importance of communication, interpersonal relationships, or forgiveness. When you can find something positive about a past situation you’ll find that coping with conflict is much easier.
- Focus on forgiveness. When you focus your mind and energy on forgiveness, the pain related to conflict suddenly disappears. After all, we all make mistakes from time to time. When you realize that we live in an imperfect world it’ll be easier to let go of the hurt feelings and anger associated with the conflict.
How to Get Past Conflict Resolved
Brainstorm resolutions that everyone can agree on. Conflict usually occurs when one or both parties sense inequality, so get together and brainstorm ideas that will help you resolve the conflict. You may find that you are actually building on one another’s ideas. That’s a good thing! The goal is to come to a resolution that provides mutual gain.
Create standards of how things are going to be going forward and make all of your agreements surrounding these standards. This will help to ensure that you don’t have the same obstacles in the future. By setting specific standards, everyone will be able to communicate in the most respectful and effective manner moving forward.
Conflict is an ordinary part of relationships, but there are some ways to avoid it. You can start by using techniques to help defuse tension between you and another person, such as not bringing up controversial issues, postponing a difficult conversation, or using humor to mask how you feel.
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